Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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