why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
