Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
