Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
