I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
