The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
