very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this will be a night to untag.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
