Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
