I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
