dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
