She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
