I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
