That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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