So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize