As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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