Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
