Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
