I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
