Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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