She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
