I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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