He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
