Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
