So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize