I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
