i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
