the new term for farting is butt boxing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
