Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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