I hate all girls vehemently.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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