o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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