my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Mom said you looked used
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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