Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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