aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
