after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
