You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
