Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
