what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
