Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
