I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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