If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
