Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
