Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
