Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm both gender and math confused
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
