you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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