I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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