Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
