direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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