The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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