Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
