hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
