im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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