Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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