he told me I talked like a deaf person
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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