did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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