She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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