Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
