its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
