Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
