what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
