My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
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