My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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