not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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