I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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