Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
