I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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