Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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