can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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