Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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